"Effy"

Da CiGNeTTa Lun Mag 11, 2009 1:02 am

salve a tutti!!! arrivo a riempire la desolazione di questa sezione...sperando di non farvi talmente schifo da essere cacciata a calci...
non è esattamente la prima cosa che scrivo, ma è in assoluto la prima che pubblico...fa un po' effetto...quindi non ho alcuna idea di cosa potreste pensarne. spero che commentiate in tanti, voglio critiche spietate, mi raccomando!!

mi scuso per averla scritta in inglese, ma mi è venuta così, dovendo indagare i sentimenti di Effy, che ho quasi sempre sentito parlare in questa lingua.
passiamo agli avvertimenti:
ATTENZIONE: SPOILER. per chi non ha ancora visto la terza stagione, si fa riferimento ai fatti di quella serie.
quanto al rating, mi verrebbe da dire G, nel senso che se siete abbastanza grandi da vedere skins, di sicuro potete leggere questa. un po' di parolacce, forse. null'altro.

è una breve one-shot, giusto una cosina inutile che mi è venuta in mente un giorno a scuola...è in gran parte un monologo di Effy, genere introspettivo.

scusate il brillante titolo, ho dei seri problemi. potreste trovarmene uno voi, magari. sarebbe molto gradito=)!!

si svolge all'incirca dopo la 3x05(Freddie)
Effy ha bisogno di suo fratello, per rimettere insieme la sua vita.
ok, la smetto. buona lettura!!commentateeeee!!!!!!!

Effy

"I don’t know who I am any more. Really, Tony, I don’t know. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself.
I used to fix everything up, remember? I was able to solve everyone else’s problems, any kind of problems. But I’m not able to solve mine. I lost control, I don’t know what to do with my life, I was not prepared.
I used to say I didn’t believe in love. And that’s true, I mean, look what happened between mum and dad! They’ve been married for nearly twenty years, you’re supposed to think they’re in love, and they’ll be forever. But then she fucked his boss, and BOOM! End of marriage, love story, whatsoever.
True love doesn’t exist, I’m sure of that. It’s just something people force themselves to believe in, because they do want to think there’s something in life that makes it worth it. So that all this shit living makes sense.
I used to say many other things. I used to think you can get anything you want, if you want it enough. But that’s not true, I mean, it’s not that simple, not if you care, at least.
Tone...I think I fell in love with someone. I think I did. But I can’t have him, I really can’t, even if I want him. He’s so sweet, and he’s such a good person! He really cares about me, I can see it. I can see he’s worried when I’m sad. I’m not good enough for him, definitely not. Not even nearly good enough for him. I’ll break his heart, for that’s what I do. Everybody loves me, and that’s shit, I mean, I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want the three of them to fall for me and compromise their lifelong friendship.
I can’t let myself want him back, nor stay with him, because when you really love someone, you can’t just be so selfish, can you? But even if I can’t have him, it doesn’t mean I don’t need anyone. You know I always pretended to be independent, to have control over my life, to have no needs, to be perfect. But you know me better than this, Tony, you know it’s just pretending, only a fake-me other people like. It’s good to be liked, you said that.
That’s why I’m still fucking Cook -even if it’s his best friend the one I love- because he likes me. Actually, he loves me, in his way, basically he loves to have sex with me. And I’m cool with that, I mean, I need it, I really need someone who doesn’t want me to be different. I don’t have to be responsible, with him, I don’t have to try hard to make our relationship work, for there isn’t a proper relationship, I don’t have to care.
Cook and I are exactly alike: neither of us is looking for a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, we wouldn’t be able to.
Tony...where are you? I desperately need you! I fucking need you, stupid selfish idiot! It’s easy to go away, isn’t it? It’s easy to fucking pretend your family isn’t a complete fuck-up, to forget you even have a family...and a sister...
Sorry. I didn’t mean it, okay? I love you, Tone, I love you so much, and I need you, and I miss you, and...And why can’t you just show up here, sometimes? I need to talk to you, because I don’t know what to do, I absolutely don’t. Shit.
I miss you, I miss your being so protective, I always knew nothing really bad could ever happen to me, when you were here, because somehow you would arrive in the end and fix everything up. But since you left I’m lost. I’m alone, now, nobody really cares about me. Dad’s gone, mum is too busy crying over her messed up existence to notice anything else, you never call, and everyone else simply has something else to think about. It doesn’t make any difference to anyone if I’m well or not, if my life has become a bloody shit...
I want to talk to you, I want to listen to you, I need you to be here. You, the most amazing person I know, I’m sure you would know what to say. I can’t go on all alone, and I’m sick and tired of being so lonely. I desperately need you to be here and help me fix this shitty life I’m living. I need, you, I need my big brother back. Again.
Please, Tony, please: come back."

Effy stares at the computer screen, and it’s like it’s staring back. There’s only one thing to do, one choice to make. It seems to ask her: what do you want to do? Effy hates to choose. Send. She only has one click to do, and Tony will hear all her anger and despair. He’ll probably be home soon, if she asks him to. He always came, when she had needed him. A simple click and he will be obliged to go home. She belongs to him, but he belongs to her too.
Effy’s not the one to oblige anyone to do anything. Maybe she cares more than she’s showing, as she always did. Maybe she only naively believes he will know she needs him, and he will come without her asking for it. Without her being responsible for it.
Effy turns off the computer. He will know, she’s sure. She will wait for him, she always does.

ok, è una cosina molto corta. potrebbe avere un seguito, che ho già in mente, ma rimarrebbero due storie separate. e comunque i miei tempi di scrittura sono abbastanza estesi...
allora, mi fate sapere che ne pensate? un bacio!!![center]

Da Konrad37 Mer Mag 13, 2009 7:14 pm

cavolini se mi è piaciuta...ho fatto un po' fatica ad immaginare Effy che scrive 'ste cose...devo dire la verità...però a me è piaciuto vedere l'altro volto di Effy...quello quando è da sola...quando non deve fingere di stare bene o nascondere la sua fragilità...bella^___^